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All this voices inside my head!

Do you know when yesterday when I was having dinner with Ramesh and happen to meet you I was actually talking about how much I love you and how confused I am not to know what to do?... May be showing you was god's way for asking me not to give up yet...Although many times you're asking me to forget you, many times you're asking me to not to love you, many times you have told me you don't love me and your feeling could never change, I cant stop but to believe in all the little voices in my head. Though sad, sometimes I feel like I should, but I couldn't let go. My heart is asking me to keep loving you, and I will do so. I have decided. Its too soon to give up. Not Yet Dar Ling. I am trying to keep myself away and think, and decide for the few days to come, on what I should do... so forgive me if I couldn't be with you as I did before. But trust me, I will be back with the same love I have for you... Although u don't love me, that doesn't matter.... I will keep loving you. Although I had let go the few others for you, I haven't regret it... You know why? Cause I believe you are the one and not them. Cause my heart tells me that one day you will change your mind... all I have to do is keep loving you until you do... all I have to do is wait for that day...
Why do I love you so much? I don't know... I just want to hear your voice, feel your touch and look into your eyes as long as I could...
Why am I so stubborn? It might be because the little hopes you gave me made me believe there is and will be a chance for me to be with you...
Why cant I stop? I don't know... I seriously don't!
I may sound like an idiot. I may sound annoying... I may have upset you now and many times before... I am so sorry my dear...
If there is one thing Kamina had taught me is to Never give up... To Hold the Blazing Sun and to Open A pathway for my dreams I can walk upon... He is rght... nothing is impossible... so is me and you being together... Hopefully one day, we will be holding hands and laugh at this, hopefully it does happen... I know it will. I believe in myself... although its gonna be a painful process for me, I wont give up. Because I love you... and only you. It doesn't matter if u read this or not, because I know by now you already know how I feel towards you... I just want to wait until you to feel the same for me... Which I believe will happen by time...


Killing me Softly...

I really dont know wat to do... wether to face the fact or... keep trying. The stuff you told me just now, killed me softly. I cant stop now, although u want me to. Im so sorry for being annoying. Thats wat you said. And when you told me that I felt like bashing my head on the wall... What have I done? I've finally earned your trust, but failed to earn your love. Feel like a clown who is being stomped by his own elephant... circus of love... in which mine has no end.

Missing you....

eh dont

no "donts"
cant stop

i told you before ad
i dont love you
so dont miss me
you'll hurt yourself

I dont believe u dont love me at all
I thnk u juz dun trust me

then you should believe it
it's not about trust
nothing to do with trust
i do trust you
but i dont love you

dat day u told me u dun trust me... now ur telling me u dun love me but u trust me... argh

i dont trust you about what

last time u said "I still dont trust you"

i didnt trust you about you loving me
but now i can see that it's quite true
but still i dont love you

thanks for the trust...

i'm sorry

but I still cant belive u dun love me at all

you used to be fun to chat with
but now
there's like nothing to talk about
i dont like chatting with you anymore, it's not fun anymore

(Diz is d part dat got me lifeless... I am so sorry)

wat did i do wrong?

sorry, i'm just saying what i feel

its okay

i dont know
what we used to chat was fun

please tell where am i making u uncomfortable

but now it's just boring and annoying
i dont know


no i'm sorry

I duno
since when did you feel like dz?

since i got my internet connection back i guess
since you thought that i love you
but i really dont
i like just as a friend only
like you*

dats why u find annoying?


so sorry

it's ok

becoz I felt like u unconciously love me...

i'm sorry too
i just want to make this clear
coz i dont want you to go too deep
creating a false feeling

u did held my hands... and also leaned on my shoulders... sent me all d wrong messages

i'm sorry

I dont think I can stop loving....
sorry to say that...

just dont think about it too much
it will fade away
i'm sorry you have to meet me, i'm sorry i'm hurting you
i feel so bad

hey... stop
I love you... never felt your hurting me
Now I am angry at myslef


to think that I annoyed u

you'll make me feel worse
so dont feel angry at yourself

Im so sorry...

it's ok

I may sound stupid saying dz again but I love you a lot... not gona fade for a long time...

thank you
but i'm sorry
i cant return your love

i will juz hope your feelings towards can change by time... if mine didnt
n try to be your best fren
btw pls dun feel sad or angry
Im happy dat I met u

nah i'm not sad or angry
i'm glad to get to know you too

N thanks lot telling me about me being annoying
now I can change
N u knw wat? I actually managed to annoy someone other then my mum
n sister

thanks a lot

for being annoying?

She says:
haha jk

Someone please tell me... what aM I doing wrong? (beside posting our conversation)... I want her so bad... there is no way I am letting go so fast... and I dont want to hurt her doing this... I need her...


Meeting Lionel at Old Town

What are the odds to meet Lionel Keith at old town kopitiam during a ride with Nam Yee, and Venz to pick Navin from Medan Gopeng after his sad trip from KLIA? Good bye Kay! I miss you too! Comeback soon. Poor depressed Navin wanted laksa at 1am and the only place that could probably have it at that time is Old Town. We wanted sit outdoors in the ground floor but the smell of drainage left us running to upstairs. That is where we saw Lionel, our CE lecturer and my current EMC lecturer dressed like a ah pek and also sitting like one with a friend. Man, was he shocked to see us. Hahaha. Ok… here are some secret snapshots caught by Venz on Lionel! Hopefully it don't affect my grades... hahaha

LOGITECH R-20 and Apple Green EP-8… new babes in the house!

It started out a normal dinner between me and Stippie. Suddenly I felt like shopping and asked Stippie wether he wanted to follow me go Tesco, the only fantastic, huge pretty aad complete shopping mall you can find in Kampar.(Yes, I am Lying) And you know what? You find the world is really small because everytime you go there you will surely bump into your friends! FANTASTICO! Ok. Back to story… So me and Stippie went shopping at the only shopping complex in Kampar. After a strole, I asked the electrical department about my camera… I gave it t repair after Sheng Wang broke it. It was still not repaired! They haven’t even sent it to repair yet for god’s sake! I was freaking pissed off! Now got to go back to Tesco tomorrow to screw the other idiot who was responsible for it… Stippie shopped for titbits and I ended up buyin nothing from there. I went take a look at some speakers and tech gadgets and Tech-shop and found two things I was looking for! Plug-In earphones! And and affordable audio system! Logitech R-20!

The Earphone:

Apple green EP-8

This baby comes in many colors, but I chose white coz it is my favorite color! Apple Green is only RM 15, the cheapest plug- in earphones I can find! The quality is not bad. Although the sound is a bit sharp and not as accurate as my ex… Sony… Lol. Of course it won’t be as good as her…The length of the earphone is around 1.25cm… More then enough for me. Though the sound is little bit strange, it’s really loud and gives an almost equal amount of head banging my Sony Ericson plug- in gave me! Plus its 60 bucks cheaper! Wohooo!

She dun really fit with my MP4... but who cares?

Logitech R-20

Of course I didn’t expect much from this baby. She was affordable so surely not going to produce the best sound quality. Although she is not Altec Lansing or Sonic Gear, she was Logitech! Not bad! I couldn’t wait to get her home, strip her out clean, sit her on my table, plug her in, and bang loud music out of her… Hahaha.
The 1st song to play was from my all time favorite band- HIM : Passion Killing Floor! You could hear this song in transformers as it was on of the background music. From then till now I’m still banging all my favorite songs with her. The sound quality is not bad, but its not loud! “sad” Logitech R-20 is not too loud and not too soft. She comes with a manual book, a paper asking me/us “what do you thin?” and a warranty card… She don’t use U.S.B but uses an adapter, good for me because I’m out of U.S.B ports! Kinda fine with me. The sad part is you can’t control the bass. Its kinda soft! Where’s the fun in that? Haiz. Like I said, she only cost me RM 89… half the price of an Altec Lansing. Its nice to hear rock songs from her rather then RnB…As long as she can make some noise, she is worth banging… XD

Alright, her specs:

Total RMS power: 12 W RMS
Subwoofer : 6 W RMS
Speakers : 6 W RMS (3 W x 2)
Total peak power : 24 W
Frequency Response : 40 Hz- 20kHz
Speaker : 5 cm high excursion driver
Subwoofer : 10.2 cm high excursion driver
Speaker : 19.7cm x 7.6cm x 7.6cm
Subwoofer : 19.1cm x 14cm
Signal-to-noise ratio : > 70 db

She comes with:
2 satellite speakers
1 subwoofer
Audio cables
2 year manufacturer guarantee
1 year Tech shop guarantee
User’s guide
Some cardboards
One useless sheet of paper that says: what do you think?

The baby freshly out of the box ^^

All set and ready to blast!


You are always in my heart....

The Night of July 18, 2009 and Morning of July 19, 2009 was the one the happiest moment in my life. No. It is the happiest moment in my life. I feel like I can go like this forever just with you, and nobody else. Though we are still far apart, you are always in my heart. The moment you spent with me, felt like stepping the doors of heaven. I could not experience anything more as pleasant as that. Holding your hands, and you slightly leaning on my shoulders while your hair kept brushing my face, and deeply mesmerized by your eyes, I want that to be forever. I came back sleepy, but when I slept beside you, I didn’t want to close my eyes. I didn’t want miss the sight of you, sleeping soundly like a baby. I admired that deeply until the passing hours felt only like minutes to me. I want nothing else, but this feeling that only u can give me. I love you so much, though I can’t really explain it to you. When you told me you still don’t trust whether my love is true, I felt like being pierced by thousands of needles. But it’s all right, because my love is true and I will hold on to it until you understand me. Looking at you sleeping made me want to hug you, hold you tightly in my arms and to squeeze you, give you peck on your cheek. I couldn’t. Because I wont do that without earning your trust and love towards me. I will wait for that, It doesn’t matter how long it is about to take, I will not give up. I love you...


Muay Thai and TKD> Dream...Idol... Goal

The Dream:
The dream to be a profesional martial artist didnt start since I ws a kid. It just started during my teenage years. My dad always tried his best nurture my talents. He sent me art class, piano lessons and asked me involve in sports as much as I can. The passion for sports was always there. Swimming, Jogging, Football, Basketball, Badminton, Skateboarding, Chess and any other sport I can get my hands on, my dad was there to support it. I really love him for that makes him something different from some other fathers. Even until now, he calls me and asked wether I have gone jogging or to the gym recently, or have I invloved myself in some activity. One day in 2001, my family attended a wedding which my passion was born. Me and my dad saw a group practising Tae Kwon-Do (TKD). My dad always wanted me to enter Karate or some other martial art. I was too interested to try a new sport. "Do you want to go?" that's the first thing he ask me when he saw me lookin at them. Without any hesitation, I said "Yes"
That wat got me into here. Everyday I went to training, I never regretted any moment of it. I wanted to be stronger. So all the pain form stepping the hard and rough terrain kept me motivated rather then making me give up. Sad part is, eventhough I loved my training the centre I was training in didnt really focus on the art of Tae Kwon Do. Being flexible and learning the accurate steps are not really important. As long as one can fight match and win, he is considered great. A common thing u can find in many Malaysian Tae Kwon Do (MTF) centres. Dz is also why GTF and ITF are better... this is oso why MTF didnt progress any much further in WTF (Not Wat The Fuck, but World Tae Kwon Do Federation)
When the time came for me to become I black Belt, (when I was 15), I felt unprepared and skipped it. Then I took 2 years break since I had to prepare for my SPM examination. After my SPM, I joined a new club. the training was good but still didnt concentrate on flexibility. Making me not so flexible. I trained as much as could finding time when I can. During this period was when I saw Boyka in Undisputed 2 and got really hooked into martial arts. I wanted to be much more like him. To be a champion in wat I love... Fighting! So I got my blackbelt coz I ws fed up seeing my juniors are higher ranked then me although they are not up ta a black belt standard. Grades in MTF are like beeing bought. After my STPM I bought a punching bag. Me and Suresh (My training buddy) filled it with sawdust. It was really a hardcore bag. Hard and painful. I modified a little space in my outdoors to a mini training gym... puttin all my gym and training equipments there. I trained every single day when I was free alongside with suresh, not only TKD, but also Kickboxing, Muay Thai and some ju-jitsu moves. It was around 8 months since January to August. My training slowed down when Suresh had to leave to his Police recruitment. I cant really concentrate on my flexibility alone either. And then I also got busy with finding a place to further my degree... so till then to now, my martial art passion was on hold, but I am startin slowly now. Jogging and involving in sports to get back into shape and going to gym to get a good figure. I need train on flexibility and agility but dun really how to do it alone. Alicia asked me to join Ballet, as she was teachin. Ballet involve lots of strentgh, agility and flexibility... I am considering it, although my macho manhood is in jeopardy, it gets me closer to my dream.... laugh all u want... I shall bear it to reach my dream.... TO BECOME YURI BOYKA...

The Idol:
The first movie I saw Scott in was Undisputed 2 and intermediately I was amazed to see his agility, talent, flexibility and talent. Dz guy would be one of the best martial artist I have ever seen. He became my Idol ever since. Although my short term Idol is Bernard Radin, Scott is someone I want to be in my peak of martial arts training. Not only he has a great martial art talent, he also has a tall and muscular body which is flexible and agile. A very hard task and it was like watching street fighter RYU in live. In an interview I read about Scott said that he didn't go for muscle building workout. So it means all that awesome body was built by pure hardcore training! Wat the Hell? I true fighting machine, dats my why he is my idol...

Some of Scotts awesome videos:

An introduction of scott:

Scott training for his upcoming movie undisputed 3:

Scott in his latest movie- Ninja:

The Biography:

Scott Adkins was born in Sutton Coldfield, England, on June 17th, 1976, into a family that for generations were Butchers. Along with his elder brother Craig, he was raised by John and Janet Adkins, a loving middle-class family. It is worth mentioning that Scott's great, great grandmother was of Spanish descent. Scott attended Bishop Vesey's Grammar School in Sutton Coldfield. Probably not the best of students, he used to sneak downstairs after his parents had gone to bed and watch films all night then fall asleep during lessons. A natural athlete, Scott enjoyed a variety of sports as he grew up, but when he was 10 years old, he accompanied his father and brother to the local Judo club. The attraction was instantaneous. Idolising stars such as Bruce Lee and Jean-Claude Van Damme, Scott began to train everyday. He took over his Dad's garage and turned it into his own Dojo. He even had a shrine to Bruce Lee in there that he would bow to. He remembers being mugged on a bus when he was around 13 and that really kicked his training into overdrive. He wasn't ever going to let that happen again. At the age of 14, Scott went on to train in Tae Kwon Do under the instruction of Ron Sergiew with the T.A.G.B. After a few years, he moved on to Kickboxing under Anthony Jones. He is now a fully trained Kickboxing Instructor for the P.K.A. A self confessed "film junkie" Scott's attention was drawn to acting through the Hollywood Greats. He enrolled in a drama class at Sutton Coldfield College. Being a shy lad he initially found it difficult to be put on stage in front of an audience. Finally, at the age of 21, Scott was offered a place at the prestigious Webber Douglas Academy of Dramatic Art. However, as an impoverished student, he found it hard to make ends meet without a grant and was forced to leave without completing the course. Very dejected he thought that was the end.

His first break came when he was offered a role in a Hong Kong martial arts film called Dei seung chui keung (2001) (aka Extreme Challenge). Spotted by Head of The Hong Kong Stuntmen Association and director Wei Tung and English-born Hong Kong movie expert Bey Logan, Adkins found himself in the East for the first time. Scott got the chance to work with some of Hong Kong cinema's leading action directors including Woo-ping Yuen, Corey Yuen, Sammo Hung Kam-Bo and the legendary Jackie Chan. Acting roles started to come in and he was offered a guest role in BBC's "Doctors" (2000) filmed at Birmingham's Pebble Mill. A few episodes in BBC's "EastEnders" (1985) and "City Central" (1998), and a lead role in Sky One comedy drama "Mile High" followed by a regular role in BBC's "Holby City" (1999) as Bradley Hume, the assistant General Manager of Holby General.

Starring roles in feature films soon followed with his portrayal of Talbot in Special Forces (2003) (V) and Yuri Boyka" in Undisputed II: Last Man Standing (2006). It was this film that broke him into the mainstream with his villainous portrayal of a Russian MMA underground fighter Boyka in what has been hailed as one of the best American made Martial Arts films of recent times. Along with lead actor Michael Jai White, fight coordinator J.J. Perry and the slick direction of Isaac Florentine this movie has some unbelievably heart stopping fight scenes. After this Scott has had guest starring roles in bigger budget films like The Bourne Ultimatum (2007) and The Tournament (2009), and played 'Jean Claude Van Damme''s main adversary in Sony Pictures The Shepherd: Border Patrol (2008).

Recently, he played "Weapon XI" in X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009).

Sott in his most famous role... as the badass Boyka. This is one kickass movie dat all action lovers must watch.

See dat flower tattoo? I want get dat on my shoulders as well to remind me everytime I stand in front of mirror about Boyka.... I man I want to be like.

Scott kickin Jean Claude Van Damn's ass in "The Sheperd"

Reaching The Goal:

Muay Thai
The killer sport which is only for those can take real pain. I love this sport becoz of the pain it self. It has the deadliest kicks and attacks, using elbows and knees. Although the technic dun vary much as TKD, muay thai is simply loveable to all martial artist. I remember when I went learn wushu, the master actually asked me take Muay Thai instead as it concentrates less on flexibility... Lol. What a shame.

The Destination : Bangkok, Thailand

The Birth place of Muay Thai, Thailand. That is where I want to go when I am 24 or 25 to train Muay Thai. I want to spend 6 months there to train Muay Thai daily and comeback to Malaysia. Saving money already for the training. hahahaha. But before that I want to train kickboxing or muay thai under one of the most dangerous martial artist in Malaysia and also my idol, Bernard Radin. His training centre is in Tambun and Im in Kampar. With a current bike it would be hard for me to travel dat far, so Im planning to shift bike with my dad, bring down his chopper and use it to travel weekly for training. But to brng the chopper I need good results. I screwed my 1st sem, So I gotta make it in dz!

The awesome sghts in Thailand I want to enjoy ^^:

Phi Phi Island:

Khao Lak:

Tae Kwon- Do

The 1st ever martial art I've learned and fell in love with. Tae Kwon-Do may not look like it but it is one of the deadliest martial. Combining speed, agility, power, flexibility and perfection, it is hard to avoid when attacked. Masterin this to a ciplak level alone made me feel like the world is slow specially when in street fights. Imagine how fast the perfectly trained TKD fighters would be. TKD had the strongest kick, n fastest reaction compared to other arts. Not a child's play. Two types TKD exist now internationally. ITF and WTF. Both are from the same founder but one was from south korea (WTF) and the other was north. ITF focuses more on arts n has little armor compared to WTF. but both are as deadly if mastered.

Destination: Canada

The Land I want to live in.... Canada. I didnt choose Korea coz I cant speak Korean n I thnk I will survive better here then there. I want to train here for at least 4 months when I am 28 or 29. If possible settle down here and start a family.... Canada is known for is well known for its natural habitat as well as its great TKD fighters. A place I want to be... and also train Ai Ki do when Im old.... XD


Designing Postcard... real pain in the neck!

It took me an hour to create this piece of trash. Seriously I was out of Ideas and had no mood to put in my 100% effort plus patience. Because the day was really dull and boring. I woke up and remembered dat I needed to go to the electrical store to ask him complete the lightbox. Me and Melody went to the furniture store a day before and bought a small shelf. We know relying on Navin is going to be really troubling since he is the last minute person. We told him to do it a week ago but he was still carefree. No time to wait. Better do it yourself if you want it. So me and Melody got into action. And after buying and giving the shelf to the furniture shop, Melody persuaded me to have dinner with her and her housemate. I didnt want (Well I kinda did want to go) spoil their moment but she made me go at last. Fun part was, Jessica was having steamboat at Juru too, along with Sek Chen and Hui Wern. Nice... all of us havin the almost similar moment. After the steamboat I was dragged to a drink party by Vishnu and also Melody(again). I said ok, but with one cond, DONT GET ME DRUNK! Its my fifth time on alchohol and b4 dz I was only drinkin bears. (HEINEKEN-TIGER-HEINEKEN-ANCHOR) Dz time it was chivas reagal n tequila. Details of all the fun we had will be updated later coz I dun hav all the pics yet. The next morning I woke up sleep deprieved and tired. I finished up the lightbox and only thing to do was to brng it back home.I cant remember wat happened later but wat I knw was I had dinner with Jia Ling and Stippie. Had a good time there. Specially bullying Jia Ling. XD. I planned to take her to Pizza Hut but all was ruined by the sudden rain. We shifted to MM. After the dinner I was back at Melody's startin on my postcard. Melody did a goodwork on her christmas trees but sad part is her PC hanged halfway making her lose all her work. Victor was there too, designing pumpkin by downloading it from the net. WTH? I did mine finish but it took me 2 hours juz to brainstorm and come up with an idea to design.
The whole thng ended at 3 am. It took me long coz I was chatting(specially to Fern about her killer intention), lazying, facebookin and designing at the same time. LOL. Next day I woke up an hour before class, finished my sketches in half an hour and printed out the materials before heading to class. As usual, I was 15 minutes late. My final work? Was like crap.(Specially if compared to Navin's) It looked like dz: (lol, something happen! the colors changed! XD)

LOL. something is really wrong with the color! HAHAHAHA....
I will try my best to do a real good work for the next one... with 100% effort and less distraction!